Do you know your inner critic? That nagging inner voice that keeps you small and holds you back from pursuing those dreams you have? Maybe it even prevents you from dreaming as big and bold as you could?
Most people are hard on themselves and just identify with the inner critic. They think it’s them holding themselves (and others!) to a high standard.
Next there is that group who spots the destructive self-talk pattern and then feels bad about being hard on themselves. They beat themselves up about always beating themselves up. They feel stuck as they see no way to ever get rid of the inner critic. Psychologists identify the inner critic as the internalized critical voice of our families, teachers, peers or society at large. This mechanism is born out of the need to please and adapt in order to survive as a kid and it usually does not serve us today. It’s quite the contrary: it holds us back, makes us feel inadequate and small. It seems to be the enemy inside that we have to fight, resist or overcome.
How to deal with your inner critic
But seeing your inner critic as your enemy causes resistance and an inner conflict. Fighting your inner critic is an ongoing battle, because just as you think you have him under control and are on top, he sneaks up on you again, boycotting all you have established for yourself. You never win, the battle never leads to lasting change, let alone inner peace.
But does it have to be that way? Is the internal conflict something we just have to embrace? I believe: no!
Inspired by Maja Novak and Maria Sanchez, I have finally found a process that I love to share in my Teacher Training — and now also with you:
What I do:
Whenever I detect this nagging inner voice (I’m of course human and not always aware ;) ) I stop, step back and & have a closer look.
I curiously turn to my inner critic and investigate who he/she actually is. I don’t attach to an outcome, don’t take sides and just listen to her needs and feelings. By doing so I am learning about that particular aspect of myself. As I get a better understanding I am able to truly embrace her. I actually am always touched by that person who for example comes from a dark time in my life and has to fight for my survival alone without any help. Of course she hates to be stuck with that other inner child that is helpless and useless. In my inner dialogue with that person I literally hug her and feel how through the loving embrace she can finally relax, have a cry and give in to me, trusting that I (my grown up self) have all our back. In this process, I witness how she becomes a vital part of me. I feel in my body how we unite our power and how that frees up stuck energy.
That’s my process for working with my body’s and my soul’s wisdom and I don’t know if you can relate to the things I write here.
If you want to try it out, here’s an exercise for you:
Questions to ask your inner critic
1. Ask yourself: Where in your life are you dissatisfied with yourself? Do you want to loose weight? Do you want to be more successful? Do you want to have a better relationship or find new love? Pick one topic and write down your self-critical thoughts.
2. Now that you have gathered those thoughts can you get an image of that inner critical voice? How does she look like? Does she remind you of someone?
3. Lean back and do the exercise mentally, observing your body. Or if you like it better, keep writing. Ask your inner critic, how she feels and what she fears. What does she struggle to achieve and what are her main concerns?
4. Listen and learn, see if you feel compassion and can be there for that person. See if you are able to embrace her.
Important: don’t try to belittle or “heal” her. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her.
5. Doing the exercise alone might be a challenge, especially if you are not yet attuned to your body’s wisdom. If you couldn’t connect yet, take your time to practice your body connection with my free tips & videos.
Or get my Sensuous Dance Program, where you learn to listen to your body as you dance your emotions and learn the best pelvic floor exercises.
If you found this valuable, share this with your loved ones. And if you’re ready to step into your most confident self mentally, physically, and spiritually, check out my Essence of Bellydance teacher training.
Love from Valencia, Coco
How did you, as a young woman who had never been pregnant, start thinking about your pelvic floor?